On leaving the U.S., again

Let's start at the beginning: what does a pop tart really taste like? I have been in the U.S. long enough that I should have had plenty of opportunities to find out, but honestly, I've never tried one. And never really felt like trying one either. Especially not for breakfast. I have vastly different ideas about what a good breakfast should and should not entail than what most Americans do (judging only from the breakfast aisle in any given grocery store, naturally).

Well, even if I am leaving I have made sure I'll get the chance to figure out this mystery. I've bought a box of pop tarts. I fully expect I won't like them very much, but at least now my expectations aren't too high...

Don't get me wrong, I approve of a lot of breakfast related things here too. For instance the concept of going out for breakfast (even if I normally would choose a different dish than pancakes, but even I get that this only makes me weird...). Or even better, brunch. One of the restaurants in the vicinity of my hotel in Atlanta advertizes that they serve bottomless mimosas* or Bloody Marys for Sunday brunch. Even if that makes me think of Kenny Falmouth of Monkey Island, it does sound like a sweet deal.

My own breakfast routine most days while I've been in the U.S., however, has been quite a bit more sober than that. I've been in two different hotels in two different parts of the country, but I could always find some channel that showed reruns of old shows - especially "Charmed". Interestingly I never really watched "Charmed" when it was a big deal way back when I was a kiddo (many of my friends did, and I can't remember exactly what made me not watch it, though I suspect it might have had something to do with the fact that we didn't have cable or satelite, and thus a very limited range of channels). Anyway, with all these reruns - and not just this time, but last time I visited the U.S. too, as well as when we went to the U.K. for vacation in November - it seems I have the show pretty much covered. But then, yesterday, the seemingly endless string of reruns ended. The very last episode of the show! Now what will I do for breakfast? I suppose it was only fitting as I am leaving today. Also, I am ignoring the fact that they started over again with the very first season this morning, so I really could watch it all if I only stayed a couple of months more - with three episodes per day that should probably cover it...

Even if I haven't watched it religiously in the past, however, I still know the show well enough to have the benefit of rewatching, as the best thing about watching old shows, of course, is that you don't have to pay very careful attention. So I could walk back and forth, take a shower, get dressed, eat, or even work a little while it ran in the background. While this has been a perfect mode for the minial task of sorting through archive documents as afterwork from my visit there during work hours, I am relieved it is over. My back aches from being slumped over my laptop for long stretches at the time, in uncomfortable seating positions in a hotel bed. My eyes are sore and my head hurts from trying to remember archive codes and sorting the files into their right place. My fingers have paper cuts from old documents, and I am sick of working twelve hour days (even if portions of them have been accompanied by "Charmed"). I even missed out on vacation days during my stay here, as most Norwegians take the whole week of Easter off.

Another good thing about ending my TV-meets-work streak now is that I don't have to watch commercials anymore. We have commercials on most channels in Norway too, but first of all I don't watch all that much TV at home (I have Netflix and HBO Nordic, after all), and secondly, last time I checked our commercials were less disturbing than many of the ones here.

What mostly baffles me are the medical commercials. This and this drug will help you with this and that disease. It will have the following side effects: [insert long list of terrible things that almost always ends with DEATH for good measure]. Talk to your doctor today!

Talk to your doctor? Why would I, as the patient, go to my doctor and explain about some drug? Isn't it the doctor's job to tell the patient what the best treatment for whatever disease or ailment they have should be? I realize doctors in the U.S. are frequently sponsored by the medical companies and thus might have preferences for specific drug for other reasons than what works better, but if that's the case you really ought to find another doctor with a better sense of ethics, rather than presenting the one you've already got with a lecture based on a TV commerical.

But that set aside, back to the commercials themselves. Can we all agree that they are pretty disturbing? Listing all those side effects is obviously something they are obliged to do for legal reasons, but I still find it amazing that someone would take them up on the offer of talking to their doctor after having heard all the horrible things this drug might inflict, presented to them in a voice of an actor you can *hear* is wearing a fake smile (how can you hear that, you ask? Well, just listen the next time one of those commercials are on. You can hear it).

Secondly, why are they always walking on the beach in these commercials? Strolling along the shore, or in a forest, or playing in the garden with a pet or child. Always the same setting. Fake smiles. Super disturbing.

Finally, the most disturbing thing to me isn't the medical commercials themselves, but in combination of another type of commercials: the mass lawsuit ones. "Have you or your loved ones experienced [insert terrible side effect caused by medical malpractise]? You might be entitled to compensation!" I realize there isn't a coherent line from people suggesting to their doctors what medicines to take for their ailments to them suing the doctor (or whomever) for having suffered consequences of malpractise. But it seems to me there is something strange about where the system puts liability. The patient is supposed to advice the doctor, while the doctors and other parts of the healthcare system are forced to focus on covering their butts legally rather than providing the best possible option for the patient. I'm not saying it's necessarily different elsewhere or that I have a solution to this, but I am saying the frequent commericals serve to give a creepy reminder of what a nasty world it can be.

I'll miss things too, though. I might have issues with certain parts of commercial America, but I don't think I'll ever stop marvelling at the selection in stores here. Whether it is grocery shopping or browsing for dresses, I keep finding myself enchanted. It's dangerous for my wallet, but it's making my little shopping heart burst with joy. Every time I visit the U.S. I seem to end up with a new wardrobe and don't even get me started on bookstores. When I came here in 2009 the selection seemed wider (I miss Borders!), but give me a good Barnes & Noble any day, and I'll be lost that day. They even have coffee in there! Why would you ever want to leave?

More important than the things I leave behind (good or bad), though, are the things I'm going back to. I miss my home, I miss my friends and family, I miss the regularity of my daily routine (the normal one, not the one involving "Charmed"), Norwegian language, food and weather (!), Oslo, my apartment, all the things I know and love. Most importantly, I miss my boyfriend. Four weeks is a long time to be away from everything, and even though I've enjoyed my stay in the U.S. I can't wait to go home.

Now I'm going to make the hotel cat who has been keeping me company this morning go back out into the corridor so I don't accidentally pack him, and then I'll finish stuffing my suitcase. Somehow, it gained weight during this trip (see section about "shopping" above).











*Huh. When I googled "bottomless" to find the link for Kenny, Google automatically suggested "bottomless mimosas atlanta". Apparently, this is a big deal here!

On bloodvampiresthoughneverbuffythinglikelovetwilightwerewolvesprobablytrue

I am so confused. I have never been a fang-girl, but since vampires have been hard to avoid these last few years, I haven’t managed to escape them entirely.

I watched Buffy when I was growing up, and I sort of liked it. I didn’t *l♥ve* it like some of my friends, but I enjoyed it. Mostly because of the girl power message, and more importantly, I adored Spike and the quirky relationship between him and Buffy. 

When Twilight became a thing, I deliberately stayed away. Especially because one of the first people to tell me about these books confessed she was in love with Edward. I wanted to tap her shoulder and tell her that not only was he dead, and sort of creepy, but he was also fictional. I couldn’t bring myself to destroy her delusion, though…

However much I loved to hate Twilight, I caved this summer. I watched the first two movies in shameful solitude, and I was talked into seeing the third in a theatre with friends (which was sort of fun, because we kept laughing at unintentional jokes. This probably was more fun for us than for those who were there because they actually wanted to see the movie, though…). 

I first heard of True Blood through a friend who loves fantasy literature and movies. Thus I never really took much notice of it, because she tells me about a lot of books and shows that never really become a thing (and that definitely isn't my kind of thing). This one became one, though. I haven’t read the books (I’ve looked at them, but they didn’t strike my fancy), but I have watched the show, and I love it. Not for the vampires per se, but because of the feel of it. That swampy, creepy, clammy, vintage, Southern, sexy feel of it. The music, the lighting, the actors (“Hallå, Alexander Skarsgård!”), and sure – the vampire thing too. But mostly because the vampire stigma is used as a clever parallel to real life discrimination. The poster shown during the opening credits says it all: “God hates fangs”. Doesn’t that sound oddly familiar? If True Blood can help even a little bit to raise awareness or make someone reconsider their prejudices, it's all good in my book. 

However, there is a problem with all this vampirety we're dodging on a daily basis. 

I am getting my mythology all messed up. I can’t keep True Blood vampires from the Twilight ones. I keep thinking that Buffy taught me that vampires can be killed with a wooden stake and then they turn to dust, but in Twilight they break like porcelain (what’s that all about?) and then you set fire to them. In True Blood there appears to be several methods, but they ain't dead 'till they turn into mushy goo.

Also, as far as I can remember vampires aren’t supposed to be able to go out in daylight. In Twilight this is just a myth – they can and they do, they just don’t do it in public because then their skin sparkles. (Basically, the Twilight vampires are sparkly porcelain figurines, yes?) In True Blood they can, for a little while, but direct sun will burn their skin (however, a taste of human blood will heal them quickly). Also, they get nose bleeds if they don’t sleep during the day. Edward never sleeps, but that is probably because he is afraid to mess up his make-up. It must be tiring to wear those yellow contact lenses 24/7, though.

As for werewolves… Vampires = cold, werewolves = warm appears to be a universal truth. Everything else, however, is different from one fictional universe to the next. In Twilight werewolves never wear shirts. In True Blood they dress like bikers. In Buffy they still transform only when there is a full moon (hello, isn’t that common were-lore?), but both Meyer and Harris has their furry friends transform at will. 

Basically all the inconsistencies make me worried. How will I know how to react if I meet a real vampire? How can I be sure if the vampire is of the turn to dust/goo/porcelain variety? Will garlic work at all or will he then offer to cook? (And if he does - do I accept?) How about a cross? Or a silver bullet? The way this is going, the vampire will probably kill me before I even have time to ask for his autograph...

And yes. I got the title for this post from a Wordle. If you want to read it again but disapprove of the way I have arranged the words, I can recommend the picture below:

On makeovers (home edition)

If I had a Twitter acount, today’s tweet would have been: ”Why do home makeover shows always make me cry?”

Since I don’t have a Twitter account, however, I can also add that it used to only be Extreme Makeover, Home Edition”, that made me cry, and it used to be because of all the sad stories getting (seemingly) happy endings.

But no more.

Now I get weepy-eyed for everything that contains a paintbrush. It doesn’t matter if it is a surprise makeover, a 60 minute-makeover, a “how to get more money for your house when you are about to sell”-makeover, or even one of those “your house is now so cluttery that you need professional help to sort through it and because you or a loved one has finally sought it with the help of a television show, we will reward you with new furniture and wallpaper”-makeover.

There really are a lot of home makeover shows out there, and one might wonder if perhaps there are too many. The real question, however, is why in the world I watch them all when they only make me cry. It’s not like I have a house I can makeover… 

On television and addiction

So I wasn't going to do this... When Alex hosted the Dirty Dozen Movie blogthingie I participated and loved it. When he announced a second Dirty Dozen - this time for television shows, I decided not to join, because I didn't have the time. And I don't. Plus I do my blogging on Tuesdays and Fridays at the moment, so a Monday was just not it.

But then the entries started showing up, and I couldn't help but make a mental list of shows that would be on my list. And before I knew it, I had written the entire thing*... So, I might as well participate. In no particular order:

Friends

I have seen every single episode of every single season at least once (most of them four or five times). Friends was my religion from I was too young to get it properly, through middle- and high school, it was the only thing I bothered using the common room tv for in my first student apartment. It was a major point of bonding in Japan (the library had all the seasons on DVD), it was the first show I ever streamed online (since I didn’t have a tv at the time), and it was the first show I ever bought on DVD for myself. 

And it’s still one of the few endless re-run shows I never switch channels for. 

How I Met Your Mother

This show always amused me, but it was only when I made a point of watching it in sequence that I got how well-made it actually is. The concept – a father telling his kids the (seemingly endless) story of how he met their mother – is simple enough, but there are so many details and jokes you only get after having watched every episode chronologically, and it is one of the shows I know that stays the most true to their storyline. No random detail is too small to eventually show up again, so it is worth paying attention while laughing your, ahem, bagpipes off. (I love how the dad sensors his language for the kids)

And Barney is LEGEND – wait for it – DARY!

Big Bang Theory

This is just so clever. And funny. And clever. I adore the characters (especially Sheldon, of course), and I adore the concept. Plus I think it makes me smarter. I had no idea before watching this that M-theory is string theory in layman's terms.

Futurama

I love the Simpsons, but Futurama has always been closer to my heart. The clever thing about Futurama is that if you love sci-fi, you’ll love it, because there are a lot of spaceships and aliens and such. But if you hate sci-fi, you’ll also love it, because it is the most hilarious parody of everything that is bad about sci-fi. Either way, the possibilities of the concept (a guy from the 20^th century is frozen for a thousand years and wakes up in year 3000) gives Groening et al the freedom to be even wilder than with the Simpsons. It’s brilliant.

Various BBC mini-series

This made it to the list partly because I am painfully aware that the list otherwise would be almost exclusively American, and also because the mini-series individually rarely manage to make devoted viewers like a regular TV show would, but combined I’m loving these as much as any of the others on this list. Prominent examples are “Pride & Prejudice” (1995), “Jane Eyre” (2006) and “The Forsythe Saga” (2002).

Blackadder

Speaking about BBC… I love Blackadder. Rowan Atkinson as anything else than Mr. Bean is marvelous, and this series is definitely one of the highlights. In addition the show has Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie in recurring parts. The only thing that could make this any better was if they did a Christmas special where Colin Firth played William Shakespeare, the inventor of the ballpoint pen. Oh, wait, they did.

M*A*S*H

This is one of the shows that are ridiculously funny, at the same time as it never fails to acknowledge the heart-wrenching background – the Korean War. Captain Hawkeye Pierce is one of our time’s great philosophers.

Grey’s Anatomy

I watched the first half of the first season directly before I went to Japan, and it almost kept me from going that I knew I wouldn’t get to watch the rest. Thank Digressions for DVDs… While I liked the show from the beginning, the main reason I continued liking it probably was the ritual way in which my roommates and I caught up with this show when I came back from Japan.

I eventually fell off, though. No idea what happened after season 3. 4? Not sure.

The Extras

Ricky Gervais is quite possibly the funniest man alive. He certainly makes the top-ten list. I never got into “The Office” for some reason, but “The Extras” – where famous actors are extras in the story about a couple of struggling actor wannabes – is incredibly funny (and terribly embarrassing. God it makes me cringe sometimes…). My favourite is the Orlando Bloom episode, where… You know, just watch it…

House, M.D.

I mainly love this show because of Hugh Laurie, but also because of, you know, Hugh Laurie. But really, the rest of the cast is also alright. And watching too many episodes in a row turns me into a terrible hypochondriac. Good thing they have Hugh Laurie.

True Blood

What draws me to this show is the Southern feeling. Not that I've ever visited the US South, but if (when) I do, I'll be sure to stay away from the vampires. Except, you know, the viking one... (Another good thing about Sweden..) 

Heroes

This barely made the list, because I only really watched the first season. It got LOST, if you know what I mean... But the first season was gold, gory and beautiful all at once. 

There you go. Interestingly I only picked English language shows, and most of them American. I guess this says something about my TV-habits (or the availability on the Norwegian market). Oh, well...

*Yes, sometime after having written this and before having read all the other entries did I realize that this blogfest wasn't another dirty dozen, but rather a top ten... Huh. I guess I could have edited out a few... (most likely the two last mentioned, but then I'd have to edit out Eric too.... Ack! So instead I decided to proudly display my mistake)