On heresay

I'm not here.

Oh, don't you worry. I don't mean literally. Well, actually, I do. Assuming that "here" is defined by where you are at the moment, since you are reading it, and a text automatically belongs to the reader once it has left the authors hand (or so the post-structuralists say) (or maybe they don't say that, but bear with me) (in fact, don't. I'm not here. As the author of this text I am dead, post-structurally speaking, and I am also physically not in the same place as you, real-world-istically speaking. Unless you also happens to sit on a train on the way to Oslo. But I highly doubt that.)

I'm on a train to Oslo. This train may or may not have wifi - I don't know that now (now being the time of writing of this text), even if I will know by the time "now" becomes now (now being the time of you reading this text, since that realistically have to be at least eight hours after I write it, since that is when I am scheduling it for). Regardless of whether I know now or "now" if my train has wifi, though, that still won't interfere with my statement "I am not here", because I still will have written and scheduled this post now (before), and not now (after). So I am not - physically, obviously, but also metaphysically and mentally - here, if "here" is the blog, or the place from which you are reading this blog, or perhaps the Internet in general. I'm not there. Here. Whereorwhatever.

It's complicated, I know. Barthes and Derrida would have been proud. Except for the fact that I am making a thorough effort to place myself in the text by defining myself out of it, so in fact it seems as though I am here, now, even if I claim that I am not. Instead, I will claim I am elsewhere. On the train, yes, you already know that. On my way to Oslo. To where a job (a job!) is awaiting. A temporary job, but still. You will be free of the endless complaints of my unemployedness for a few weeks, at least. Hooray!

But also. My intention for defining myself out of this text by stating the obvious "I am not here", was not simply to confuse you or make you question my presence/existence/mental state. I meant to direct your attention towards the places where I do define myself as present. Such as the Burrow blog, where I have written a slightly less (but not by much) silly post that this one. It won't post till noon GMT, so if you are looking for me there before then you won't find me. I'll still be on the train, of course.

The other place, however, I wanted to direct your attention to, is here - in a sense - but it is here in a past "now". In yesterday's now in fact. The now that was (is!) a now when I wrote (am writing!) this. Yesterday I wrote a much more sensible post about an important topic I feel the need to share again. So, if you're tired of looking for me here, you might as well go here to find a more serious me.

In the meantime I need to get off this train and try to figure out where I am and what I'm supposed to do here. It is not unlikely that it might involve the death of the author.

On a little bit of everything

If you’re wondering why I didn’t obligingly post between 8 or 9 am this morning, the reason is this: scheduled posting. Or lack thereof.

Usually I write my blogs one day early and schedule Blogger to post them at 8 am (which often makes me all iffy about writing “today”, since “today” often is “yesterday” when the blog is actually up, but still “today” when I write it. Which I considered writing a blog about, but then I figured it wasn’t worth it since I could fit the entire drama inside a single parenthesis. Then again, my parentheses often are extremely long, and thus I could probably fit any old drama inside them (Daddy dies via ear by uncle who is revealed in play but unfortunately girlfriend dies, mom dies, everyone else dies and I can’t stand it no more – tell my story, “friend”!). See?). However, even though I yesterday considered myself well enough to go into the city, attend a lecture (which was interesting though the compromiselessness (I’d try to figure out what the real, English word for this is, but I’m on a deadline here – got to finish this before my parents call because afterwards I have all sorts of other stuff to do) - the compromiselessness of a couple of the speakers made me barking mad), and then rob Macy’s (or was it the other way around? It sure had nothing to do with a robbet), I'm still not 100% well. By the time I got back home I only had the strength for a little chicken soup, some mindless television (though House had a moral agenda last night), and bed. No blog.

Today is another sickday (see, I’d write it as two words as Word wants me to, but according to my logic, at least, there should be a considerable difference between “a sick day” and “a sickday”. Maybe I’ll compromise and write sick-day. That’ll do) – another sick-day, though this one I have to devote to all sorts of chores like laundry, cat-petting (one of the cats here has adopted me – wonder what’ll happen when I go back home), figuring out how to get to the airport on Friday, calling my grandpa who had a birthday yesterday (I meant to call him then, but, due to mismatching time zones plus yesterday’s general poopiness (see above) that didn’t happen – but happy belated 86th, gramps! By the way - he said that this morning they had SNOW! Brrrr.... That's early, even for Norway! ), calling my parents to make them feel sorry for me since I’m sick, more laundry, drawing giraffes (keep reading, I’ll get to that) and making a blog schedule. I did make a blog schedule yesterday, but since I’ve already diverted from it, making a new one seems like a good idea. I’m not sharing the schedule with you guys, though, as I don’t do spoilers (*snort*).

What I am sharing, however, is my reason for making the schedule. Since I’m leaving town on Friday, to be gone for almost a week - that is a week without my laptop - I figured it was a good idea to schedule (here we go again) Blogger to post daily posts for me without my interference (even though I hear they have Internet both in Minnesota and in Michigan these days *snicker*). I might interfere. One of the scheduled posts currently reads “what we’re actually doing” (*claps hands over mouth – err… fingers* SPOILER!), but I might change that. You never know. It’s a miracle I’ve gotten this far on the whole blog-thing, really, as random rarely is consistent with regularity. Well, I don’t have a choice. Because I have committed to posting once every single day all through October. You might have noticed the shiny, new badge on the top of this site? That’s a link, peeps, and it’ll take you to a neat blog called NaBloWriMo  (huh! There’s another link! Wow!), which I totally forgot to actually blog about (that is, I didn’t so much forget as I deliberately decided to postpone the mention until everyone else had, to avoid the hype, you know.. Right…). Oh, well. Means I cannot afford to skip even one day, and my only hope to avoid that is my hero – SCHEDULED POSTING!

Speaking of heroes, it’s been a while since I’ve giraffed about Ola, the giraffe-collector. Since I may or may not be harvesting, sorry, Halloween season must be getting to me (that totally should have gone into a parenthesis), attracting new readers in the midst of all this NaBloBlaBla (clever as this title is, it really is annoying to type!), and thus I figure it is time to once again encourage you all to draw/knit/bake/shape/paint/crochet/sculpt(is that a word? Wow!) a giraffe, take a picture of it and post it on http://www.onemilliongiraffes.com/. No requirements in terms of talent or creativity – just any old giraffe will do (as long as it is not computer-generated). My last effort is one of the reasons this blog was postponed this morning (I had to colour the ocean around Giraffenland, okay?), but don’t let that stop you. At the bottom of this post you will find a guide that'll show you how to draw a giraffe in ten seconds.

Alright, I think this was about all my brain could come up with in 20 minutes. Now off to posting, before I regret (this was pre-caffeine and sugar, imagine how I can get…).

(And yes, it's one of the 308 277 alerady posted on the site)