Monday, July 11, 2011

On moments

Sand, running through my fingers. Or water. Trying to cup my hands, saving as much as possible. But it is futile. It's still running out, and a part of me wants to just wipe my hands and be done with it.

It started out as months. Then weeks. We're down to days. Soon it will be hours. Minutes. Seconds. Take-off.

I'm at the point where I try to sleep as little as possible, because I don't want to waste my time. I want to hang out with all the wonderful people I know here. And yet - each moment I see them, I know it's a moment closer to leaving. And while it's a moment worth treasuring, it's also instrumental in making me miss these people, these moments even more.

Live in the moment. But the future demands our attention.

My future. I can honestly say I have no idea what it will bring. I know the immediate future. Tuesday. Plans. Wednesday. Plans. Thursday. Plans. Friday - moving out. Saturday. Flight. Sunday. Sleep. But then it starts getting sketchy. Some of the things that might happen are of the life-changing kind. Some I want. Some I don't want. Some I think I want, but I can't be sure just yet. I'm in one of those walks of life, where anything can happen. It's thrilling and terrifying all at once.

Wish me luck. Wish upon me the ability to live in the moment, and to let the future pan out the way it shall. I will see you on the flip side.


Jan Morrison said...

oh dearheart! That is how I feel this summer - the warmth has been so hard one and it is so ephemeral. Just keep doing whatever your form of meditation is. Would you do me a favour? Would you visit a shinto shrine if you do have a moment before going. Take a photo, ask Amaterasu for some grace, and remember, what goes around, comes around. Old Nova Scotian saying.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Cruella, I predict you will emerge stronger and wiser!

Michelle Gregory said...

i know almost exactly how you feel.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

When I had to leave the US after a fantastic trip I felt devestated, coming home meant all the problems I left behind me. But you are strong and I'm sure you have a wonderful future ahead of you for your expereiences In Japan.

Safe trip(When the time arrives)
and Good Luck.


Talli Roland said...

I know how you feel! Good luck and safe travels, Cruella!

Jemi Fraser said...

It's an exciting and terrifying time of life for you. Enjoy the moments and store up those memories. Take care. *hugs*

Cold As Heaven said...

There will always be opportunities for people like you. Good luck >:)

Cold As Heaven

Anonymous said...

I'll be thinking about you! Let us know when you're safely settled in again on the other side of the world.

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