Monday, August 22, 2011

On Mike and social networking

So, I'm writing more job applications than blog posts lately. I guess that's a good thing. Except that I've been writing so few posts that the comparison isn't really all that valid. I've been writing *some* applications, though. And *some* other stuff too, actually, though most of it was on Facebook or Twitter, so don't get all excited yet.

Anyway. Until I find a job my lazy (and fairly eventless - is that a word?) life goes on. It gives me the opportunity of getting extremely caught up in petty things. Like spam. The following is an actual email I wrote, not ten minutes ago:

I realize this is a noreply address and that this email thus probably will disappear into the cybersphere where it'll float restlessly around for all eternity, for no one to read, unable to reveal its message (which must be truly terrible for an email, since its entire existence is all about delivering messages). 

But. I still had to write this, to - someone. Because. Ohmygoshcanyoupleasestopsendingmestuff, DUDE! This guy, this Mike* someone. I don't know who he is. I don't know what he is. Heck, I don't even know why he is. At least I don't know why he is sending me emails all the time, about - lord knows what - recipes? Maybe? I am fairly sure I have never subscribed to his mailing list. I could be wrong. I subscribe to stuff all the time without knowing what exactly it is. If it turns out it annoys me, I unsubscribe. But Mike. Oh Mike. He is freaking impossible to unsubscribe to (from? You don't unsubscribe TO something, do you?). I have tried. Trust me. 

First I blocked those pesky emails, telling me to decorate for Easter and Halloween and whatnot (so maybe not recipes? Still not sure). It took a while to figure out how, but I managed. It was quiet for a while, and I thought maybe Mike and I had split for good. 

Of course I was wrong. Mike then sent me a request to join him on LinkedIn. 

Had I not already been sick of Mike, this would have pulled me over the edge. LinkedIn - I think my nostrils are flaring from just the thought of it. First of all - the idea of another social network is more than enough to make me shake my head. Secondly, I raise my eyebrows to the combination of the words "social network" and "professional". Peeps. Seriously! Social networks are for procrastinating. That is not professional. Don't pretend this is any different. Finally,  what's the DEAL with the capital I that looks exactly like a non-capital l? HUH? That is capital "i" and non-capital "L", if you're confused. You should be. If nothing else, I'd boycott LinkedIn for the fact that it made me pronounce it "LinkedLn" (however one pronounces that) for the longest time. *facepalm* 

Basically, LinkedIn causes A LOT of involuntary movement in the head&face area for me. It's exhausting. So no, I won't be joining any time soon. 

The GOOD thing about LinkedInInvites, though, is that they come once, there's a reminder, and then you're done. Wish I could say the same about Google+...

It had been a while since I'd heard from Mike when suddenly invites to join Google+ started cluttering my inbox. "Mike shared a post about personalized greeting cards with you!" (Soo, it's DIY? What do you DO, Mike?!)

He did? But..? I'm not ON Google+! How can he share stuff with me when I'm not even there to share (rhyme!)? 

You see, Google+... I have all the same reservations against this as LinkedIn. Well, not all the same. I can pronouce Google+ (but I am increasingly annoyed with the wonky punctuation you get when trying to place a comma, full stop or any other mark after a brand that comes with a symbol in the name. *snort* If you try to put a dash [or actually, a hyphen as I tend to use, because I'm too lazy to figure out how to get dashes outside of Word, where it's corrected automatically] you get Google+ -. Plus and minus equals minus. Google minus. Ha!). Also, Google+ doesn't pretend that it's not a regular social network. Its entire strategy appears to be to take on Facebook, so that is pretty honest at least. 

BUT. The whole "do I really need another social network to steal my time?" part applies here too. In addition, Google+ has several other disadvantages too. Such as the fact that I'm googlified enough as it is. I've already pretty much sold my soul to Google, and I feel more comfortable knowing that Facebook also holds a share of it. Also, you need a Google account to log onto Google+. I have one, of course. I am writing this in gmail, after all. But my Google account is tied with my Cruella-personality, and Cruella already is too "out there" (no pun intended). If Google+ were to replace Facebook for me, Cruella and my other self would have to mix friends. I'm so not ready for that. As a final "besides", I can't just put Cruella on Google+ and keep my other self on Facebook either. Oh, no. Because Google+ is doing what Facebook failed to do (or didn't bother, perhaps) - restricting users to real, actual people. Thus, Cruella probably wouldn't be accepted. Shame on them. 

Right. So as you can see (well, I don't know if you can see anything, actually. "You" being the eternity of cyberspace and all), Mike didn't make a wise move in trying to Google+ me. Now more than ever I want to Google- him. It's just that I don't know how. There is a link at the bottom of the email saying "unsubscribe", but when I clicked it, Google helpfully provided a "something went wrong. That's all we know". Aaaaargh!!! 

Maybe I just have to learn how to live with Mike contacting me every now and then. Whether it is for home, home decor, repairs and renovation, gardening, food, desserts, beverages, entertaining and delish (whatever that is), as I just realized the Google+ description explains. At least I know that, now. 

Thank you for listening. 


*He's not really called "Mike", of course. I'm still too nice to actually put up his real name, there... 


Jan Morrison said...

I think you should put his real name and his real address so I can send him pictures of my cat doing cute things. I don't have a cat but I can borrow one.
love ya kid - good luck with the job finding...sure you don't want to come to Nova Scotia to work?

Christine Murray said...

This made me laugh so much. I think everyone has a 'Mike', mine is a yoga society that I never went to. They're constantly emailing me about their get togethers. I've tried to inform them that I have no interest in their yoga baby shower (?) but they are having none of it.

Talli Roland said...

Hahaha! Love this!

LinkedIn drives me MENTAL. I can't stand those pesky emails!

Hart Johnson said...

BUWAHAHAHAHA Yeah, these two both spam like crazy, which is annoying as all get out. Facebook does, too, but I feel like I have a better grasp on how to make FB stop. Those bloody Mikes...

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I enjoyed reading about your spam mail, I too get alot and it's annoying. I usually delete them without reading as some caused me a virus way back.
Hope work comes your way soon.
Good to hear from you again.

KarenG said...

Mike sounds more like a stalker than a spammer! How annoying! I joined Linkedin but haven't done anything with it because they make you do the spam control thing every time. But clearly it hasn't kept the likes of Mike out.

Michelle Gregory said...

i'm glad to find someone else who doesn't want to do Google whatever. they've taken over everything. and i still haven't sold my soul to Twitter.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Google- now that's funny! You've coined a new term.

Kelly said...

Uh oh, you mean Mike sends you e-mails, too?!? And here I thought he and I had something special going on.

Melody said... awesome. Just awesome. :) Thanks, Cruella. You made me smile today. :)

Michael Offutt said...

I hate spam mail. Most of it comes from my brother.

Liza said...

Don't shoot me for saying this...but I'm a former hiring professional, and LinkedIn is an exceptional networking tool. Recruiters and those in the hiring world use LinkedIn to identify candidates for open positions. If you are looking for employment, you might want to reconsider...I do take exception to those who step over the line to make LinkedIn more social then professional, but honestly, I don't find that happening much. Now Mike, whoever or whatever he is, of course is way out of line.

sue said...

You could be missing something with Mike you know - he sounds like a man on a mission to learn everything that could appeal to a woman.

Glad you're having a relatively bland time. I think you've had enough excitement to last the rest of the year at least. Good luck with the job applications, they're tedious at the best of times.

Pat Tillett said...

Good one! The only spam Im getting these days is from a company offering to sell facebook "friends" and Linked.
Good luck with your application.

Shannon said...

Wow. I hope Mike never finds me. Maybe you should follow him to Google+ if only to find a non-no reply email to tell him to bug off.

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