Tuesday, April 26, 2011

On V for Vendetta

I am involved in a feud. A long-running argument, where considerable amounts of blood has been shed. The parties cannot stand each other, and there is not much hope for reconciliation in the future.

I am talking, of course, of the eternal battle between shoes and my feet.

My feet don't like shoes. I do. I love shoes. I wish I could have a closet-full of delightful, sparkly, gorgeous shoes, Imelda Marcos-style (but without the dictatorship and starving population). But there isn't much point as my feet would rebel on me. Commit mutiny. Quite possibly amputate themselves. They really, really hate shoes, in any shape, size and colour.

Frankly, though, I can understand how my feet have a strained relationship with shoes. After all, shoes mistreat them on a regular basis.

You see, the hate my feet feel for shoes is nothing compared to the intense loathing, disrespect, cruelty and terror shoes see fit to treat my feet. All and any shoes I've tried to wear since I was little have mutilated my feet at the gravest. I've tried to come between them - wearing socks of various thickness, and using band-aids liberally - but nothing seems to ease the tension. There is a war, and my feet are losing battle after battle.

They've tried to call truce. To simply stay away. Many summers have been spent mostly barefoot. But then there are times when shoes are called for, and my feet cannot escape. The shoes taunt them long ahead: "Guess what we're gonna do to you tonight, lovelies? Guess who will not be able to walk in the morning..?" The feet wait in agony, but there is absolutely nothing they can do. Once squeezed into the torture chamber that is stilettos or sandals or sneakers alike, the feet can do nothing but suffer in silence.

Despite the relief of barefootness, summers are the worst. Summer shoes are meaner than winter shoes. Besides, being let out of prison every now and then makes the feet realize just how terrible their fate is. Thus this is when they are least able to handle it. Blister season is upon us, and I feel for my feet. I really do.

If socially acceptable I'd vote with my feet and skip shoes altogether. But it seems a far way off. A society without shoes is light years away, and I'd walk my feet off to get there. I think I'll just have to stand on my own feet and accept that I'll have to wear shoes until I'm six feet under.


15 comments:

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I never wear shoes indoors but it's a different matter not wearing them out doors.
Loved your post.

Yvonne.

M.J. Nicholls said...

Have you considered a bigger size? Or maybe you shouldn't walk on those redhot coals bare foot? Or travel everywhere by giraffe?

sue said...

No heels! (but seriously funky of course to distract from lack of heels) Handmade? Soft leather? To wear new leather shoes in, insert feet, fill with warm water, slosh around outdoors - possibly not a good idea if it's below zero. It's fun and softens the leather...really.

Jan Morrison said...

yes! I'm one with your vendetta! as a child I never wore shoes once school was out. I prided myself on being able to walk over thistles, hot pavement and rocky bits. My feet and I were happy. Now I search for the shoes or boots that can replicate that freedom. I had a girly moment last summer and bought red patten leather heels in Montreal. They are gorgeous. I've never worn them. I am a poor person. You see the problem? Of course you do...

Cruella Collett said...

Yvonne - indoors, I wouldn't touch a shoe. Even for fancy parties I tend to drop them after a while. I once danced all night with no shoes on - it was a wedding (and I paid for that too afterwards, my feet really are vindictive)

Mark - it's not the size, nor the coals, but it might be the lack of giraffe travelling. I should look into it.

Sue - I love your recipe for wearing in shoes, and I probably ought to try it sometime. If I get around to finding any I'd want to buy, considering the ongoing feud.

Cruella Collett said...

Jan! Who snuck up on me (barefoot, of course). I occasionally fall for pretty, heeled shoes too. That wedding, when I danced all night, my shoes were planning revenge as they stood abandoned and wallflowered.

And you are NOT a poor person! You are the richest of the rich when it comes to person-hood. I'd call you a multimillionperson, but that sounds a little like a diagnosis, and it wasn't meant that way.

Talli Roland said...

Oh, I'm so with you. My feet hate shoes -- especially sandals! I had a pair on last week and they cut my feet to hell, but they're SO preeeeetty!

Holly Ruggiero said...

I was always barefoot as a child (even in the fields which lead a few painful events but that didn't stop me) as an adult I've learn to appreciate shoes, but I go for comfort over sparkles and stuff.

TheyCallMeVarmit said...

I was raised pretty feral as "hill-folk", so I always figured shoes were for going to church in..lol...would be barefoot the rest of the time. Nowadays though, I'm kinda like you, only opposite. My feet don't mind shoes...but my mind is like "Get em off'a me!" If it weren't for Converse and Sketchers, I probably would never wear any.

Really good post! And hope you can find some that you and your feet both enjoy. :)

Stephanie V said...

I always take my shoes off as soon as I can. Socks when it's cold but as soon as I can stand it, it's bare feet for me.
And I love shoes, too. The designs, the colors, the soft leather. Oh, yes! But, new shoes almost always give me blisters - unless they're slings. And how many of those can you have? My sport shoes and hiking boots never do. That's my favorite footwear nowadays. Don't dress up too well, though.

Marjorie said...

I love pretty shoes, but my feet are so wide that they hate shoes. So I know how you feel. Cute shoes hurt the worst.

Kelly said...

I finally reached a point in life where I decided to only go with comfort in both shoes and clothing. Fortunately I can find shoes that are comfortable. That doesn't mean I don't go without as much as possible!

I'm sorry you have so much trouble. It must be a real pain! (literally)

Cruella Collett said...

Talli - cute shoes have a way of luring me in. Surely, these cannot be painful; they are so pretty...

Holly - but I cannot find comfort! Though it might have to do with me being a sucker for sparkly and stuff...

April - ah, to be back on the hills, shoeless and carefree, eh?

Stephanie - I even get blisters from the sling ones. I think shoes are capable of torture regardless of how little contact they keep with actual skin...

Marjorie - clever cute shoes making us think they are innocent and nice....

Kelly - I wish I could find comfortable shoes too! Stupid shoes!

Sarah Allen said...

Great post :) I'm with you on wishing a shoeless society. I'm the kind of person who kicks off the shoes and puts on sweatpants as soon as they walk in the door.

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)

Madeleine said...

Oh I can so empathise. Were I to win the lottery I would have my shoes specially made :O)

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