Monday, April 18, 2011

On ostrich orange ottoman orgasms

Don't worry - this blog hasn't turned into a kinky XX shop (if you think I put the XX's in because I'm too prudish you're only partially right. I put them in because I couldn't think of any dirty words. Also, I am prudish).

Even if I am prudish, however, I can be led astray. And I have good friends that frequently try.

Last night I was on Facebook posting silly status updates along the lines of "I've been kidnapped by bad habits". (I even tried to make people pay ransom, since I am broke, but my luck was out. No one care enough about me to pay my ransom. Or, as one friend pointed out, ransom rarely helps. In fact, if other people paid my bad habits, it might even make things worse. But I digress...)

Another friend, the lovely Tara, was using her status update to complain about how she was stuck in the A-Z challenge. Been there, done that, I thought, and thus I thought I'd make a "helpful" suggestion - why not write her O-post about ottomans (or Ottomans - take your pick)? I'm not sure Tara felt particularly helped, but we had a nice chat that resulted in much amusement (and a coining of the term SLAWCS - I'm sure Tara will explain this at the first possible occasion)..

Fifteen minutes into this chat, another friend, the equally lovely Tami, arrived. For some reason, when Tami arrives, any conversation tends to take a naughty turn. Don't know why. It's a force of habit.

Anyway, Tami too was having problems with the A-Z challenge. What to to do for O? (Ooo - or it won't rhyme) Both Tami and Tara had toyed with the thought of going with "the big O". Personally, I was going orange. I still thought Tara should do ottomans. (Not "do"-do... See, now that Tami is in the picture, my mind turns to the gutter...) But then an idea was born - how about we mixed it all together and did a three-way of sorts?

I was slightly worried. I was game for orange (I already had it covered - but now you'll have to wait till post-April to read it), could think of one or two ideas for Ottomans (or ottomans), and even though I've no ideas where the ostriches came from - sure, I'd make it work. But... The big O? Hm... (This is where my prudishness comes in) How would this work with keeping my blog PG-Twitterteen? (I don't know what Twitter has to do with anything. Really.)

I swallowed my prude, though, and accepted the challenge. Unfortunately, now I have to think of something to actually write (that is only partially orange). Thus:

Orange ottomans.

Orange ostriches.

Ottoman ostriches.

Orange Ottoman ostriches.

Ostrich ottomans.

Ostrich Oranges.

Ottoman oranges.

And then. Of course. Ostrich orgasms. Orange orgasms. Ottoman orgasms, or, orgasm ottomans. Oh, dear. My blog will be flooded with spam and creeps and the Internet is likely to explode. Before that happens, though, don't forget to visit both Tara and Tami today. I'm quite curious how they are tackling this challenge within the challenge!

UPDATE - We're a foursome! Our dear friend Natasha took us by surprise, and joined in on the fun. You need to visit there too - her part is brilliant!


welcome to my world of poetry said...

Wonderful write I think most of us can admit to being prudish at times over different things. we are all individuals, enjoyed the read.


Tundiel said...

Yes, Tami is obviously a terrible influence on us sweet and innocent types.


Fabulous digression! I want to mark it as 'giraffy', but wouldn't that be beastiality?


sue said...

ok, 2/3 the way through, chocking on laughter, (some of which I'm sure you didn't intend) off to Tara next, who I'm sure is in hiding by the way. So glad to hear the giggling!

Misha said...

Lol I hope you get through the worst of the spam. ^_^

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, sure. Blame the naked chick. *snort*

"swallowed my prude" Oh, the potential of this statement. Erm... sorry if this comment leads to improper offers *hides*


You can still do your orange one under S for search *nods* see, I can be helpful.

Monica said...

I love it, fabulous post!! Found you from the A-Z Challenge, I’m now following you on GFC and I hope you have a chance to check out my blog!

Cruella Collett said...

Yvonne - ..and frankly it doesn't take a lot to be prude compared to some of these gals I know ;)

Some of these gals I know - beastiality, eugh! Beauty and the Beast just got a(nother) whole new meaning...

Sue - unintended laughter = the best!

Misha - so far I think I can manage ;)

Naked chick - tee hee - I considered "swallowing my inner prude", but then that sounded icky... I cannot fathom what improper offers you POSSIBLY could be referring to...

Monica - yay, thank you! I'm normally more candidly prude than this ;)

Michelle Gregory said...

you guys- er, gals- crack me up.

Ann said...

Oh no! Spam begone.

Rachel Morgan said...

Ok, I am sufficiently tongue-tied having tried to read all those O words in a row!

Also enjoyed the line "swallowed my prude" ;-)

Marjorie said...

I missed the conversation and all the fun. :-(

Kelly said...

Hmmm... well, I don't know anything about Ostrich Orgasms, but I've heard about Pig Orgasms! TMI?

Pat Tillett said...

This is so funny! I admit that for just a second, I thought about Ostrich sex... just a second though!

The Golden Eagle said...

Hope you don't get too much spam. :P

Thanks for commenting on my blog!

Cruella Collett said...

Michelle - tee hee, I'm glad. I think I am permanently damaged after having read last night's comments on FB, so this only came as an extension of that...

Ann - ooh, that spell might come in handy! Thanx!

Rachel - I could give old Susie and her seashells a run for her money, ne?

Marjorie - lucky I shared it here, then. Join us next time! ;)

Kelly - TMI indeed! Oh, I now have the weirdest mental images... Miss Piggy..

Pat - a second might be all they need. I'm not familiar with ostrich anatomy... :P

TGE - Hee, I'm sure I can manage ;)

GigglesandGuns said...

How can I say this? Right to the point is best. I fear the three of you have dropped your marbles. LOL

Holly Ruggiero said...

Very fun post!

Laura said...

"swallow my prude"... that needs a little TM mark after it! You three (soon to be four when I hope over) have given me a fab giggle tonight - so I'm very glad for you naughty facebook moment:)

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