Wednesday, December 8, 2010

On bloodvampiresthoughneverbuffythinglikelovetwilightwerewolvesprobablytrue

I am so confused. I have never been a fang-girl, but since vampires have been hard to avoid these last few years, I haven’t managed to escape them entirely.

I watched Buffy when I was growing up, and I sort of liked it. I didn’t *lve* it like some of my friends, but I enjoyed it. Mostly because of the girl power message, and more importantly, I adored Spike and the quirky relationship between him and Buffy. 

When Twilight became a thing, I deliberately stayed away. Especially because one of the first people to tell me about these books confessed she was in love with Edward. I wanted to tap her shoulder and tell her that not only was he dead, and sort of creepy, but he was also fictional. I couldn’t bring myself to destroy her delusion, though…

However much I loved to hate Twilight, I caved this summer. I watched the first two movies in shameful solitude, and I was talked into seeing the third in a theatre with friends (which was sort of fun, because we kept laughing at unintentional jokes. This probably was more fun for us than for those who were there because they actually wanted to see the movie, though…). 

I first heard of True Blood through a friend who loves fantasy literature and movies. Thus I never really took much notice of it, because she tells me about a lot of books and shows that never really become a thing (and that definitely isn't my kind of thing). This one became one, though. I haven’t read the books (I’ve looked at them, but they didn’t strike my fancy), but I have watched the show, and I love it. Not for the vampires per se, but because of the feel of it. That swampy, creepy, clammy, vintage, Southern, sexy feel of it. The music, the lighting, the actors (“Hallå, Alexander Skarsgård!”), and sure – the vampire thing too. But mostly because the vampire stigma is used as a clever parallel to real life discrimination. The poster shown during the opening credits says it all: “God hates fangs”. Doesn’t that sound oddly familiar? If True Blood can help even a little bit to raise awareness or make someone reconsider their prejudices, it's all good in my book. 

However, there is a problem with all this vampirety we're dodging on a daily basis. 

I am getting my mythology all messed up. I can’t keep True Blood vampires from the Twilight ones. I keep thinking that Buffy taught me that vampires can be killed with a wooden stake and then they turn to dust, but in Twilight they break like porcelain (what’s that all about?) and then you set fire to them. In True Blood there appears to be several methods, but they ain't dead 'till they turn into mushy goo.

Also, as far as I can remember vampires aren’t supposed to be able to go out in daylight. In Twilight this is just a myth – they can and they do, they just don’t do it in public because then their skin sparkles. (Basically, the Twilight vampires are sparkly porcelain figurines, yes?) In True Blood they can, for a little while, but direct sun will burn their skin (however, a taste of human blood will heal them quickly). Also, they get nose bleeds if they don’t sleep during the day. Edward never sleeps, but that is probably because he is afraid to mess up his make-up. It must be tiring to wear those yellow contact lenses 24/7, though.

As for werewolves… Vampires = cold, werewolves = warm appears to be a universal truth. Everything else, however, is different from one fictional universe to the next. In Twilight werewolves never wear shirts. In True Blood they dress like bikers. In Buffy they still transform only when there is a full moon (hello, isn’t that common were-lore?), but both Meyer and Harris has their furry friends transform at will. 

Basically all the inconsistencies make me worried. How will I know how to react if I meet a real vampire? How can I be sure if the vampire is of the turn to dust/goo/porcelain variety? Will garlic work at all or will he then offer to cook? (And if he does - do I accept?) How about a cross? Or a silver bullet? The way this is going, the vampire will probably kill me before I even have time to ask for his autograph...




And yes. I got the title for this post from a Wordle. If you want to read it again but disapprove of the way I have arranged the words, I can recommend the picture below:


15 comments:

Cold As Heaven said...

I've heard of the True Blood series that many are watching. Since I don't watch TV series, I bought the first book in the series instead, just to check it out. Cool book >:)

Cold As Heaven

M.J. Nicholls said...

I always thought vampires were a metaphor for adolescence. And zombies a metaphor for consumerism. And werewolves a metaphor for . . . not shaving very well. Or Darwinism. Or something.

The best way to kill a celebrity vampire is to ignore him. Voila, instant goo.

Cruella Collett said...

CAH - you liked "True Blood", the book? I've always thought of them as "girly" books - at least that's what they're marketed as. Also, the voice of the book I read the first few pages of was so annoying that I had to immediately put it down. But I do know a fair number of people who read and enjoy them, so I guess it's just a matter of taste.

Mark - excellent advice! Though as mentioned, the vampires in question were very difficult to ignore, as they kept showing up everywhere. I'm all better now, though.
And I agree - bad shaving!

welcome to my world of poetry said...

I am not into vampires the nearest I get is when my doctor takes blood from me,

Yvonne,

Elizabeth said...

I loved Buffy growing up, but stopped watching it after season 4. I know I'm stomping on a bunch of fangirl dreams here, but Spike was better as a villain.

As for True Blood, it's my guilty pleasure. I don't know if I like it so much as I like how campy it is. And it has the best lines. I watch it with a friend of mine, and every time one of us has a brain fart, the other goes, "Oh no! THE BLEEDS HAVE BEGUN!"

nonamedufus said...

I was never into these books, films and TV shows. I think it's a generational thing and they aren't aimed at mine. That's okay give me a Vincent Price classic anytime.

Angela Felsted said...

I think if you meet a real Vampire or Werewolf, the best you could do is run. Oh, and bring someone with you any time you go into the woods. Preferably someone slower than you.

Hart Johnson said...

I tried briefly to read the first True Blood book but couldn't deal with the voice. It takes a LOT to get me to like present tense and first person was just like another poke in the eye for it. the SHOW though, I agree with you on--I like it as a campy parallel thing... though I've only seen the first season.

You KNOW... if you meet a real vampire, I think you should do what all these fictional characters do... if they go all mean and fangy, then you stab them, but otherwise you should probably sleep with him.

*giggles at Mark*

Kelly said...

My daughter (around your age, I imagine) started the Twilight books when the first one came out...long before they got popluar. In fact, she and some friends took a trip to Forks, WA (and environs) before it got so popluar as well.

I've not watched True Blood (and don't really care to), but read the books since they take place in my neck of the woods and the author lives in a neighboring town. That makes them fun.

To add to the confusion, there are quite a few other vampire series out there that I'm sure have other twists on the legends. I stopped with Sookie and Twilight.

Danette said...

Why don't you really confuse yourself and watch 'Being Human' the BBC series... it's pretty fun and the Vampire is quite good looking! I think the story line is better than the TrueBlood or Twilight stuff too.

RosieC said...

As for Buffy and were-lore, Oz's character goes east and finds ways to control his abilities to change, and eventually can stop himself from changing during a moon, but sometimes when he gets angry, he changes, even if there's no moon. This leads more toward the Meyer type of lore, but since Meyer didn't do any research about any of it before she wrote anything, her lore is simply, well, hers, and not lore. Sorta.

Anyway, it's all myth, and the myths change from here to there all over. Until we meet the real vampires, there's no way to know. Let's just hope the one you meet's a nice one who's more interested in gettin'-it-on (in that Spike kind of way) than blood. Then if you can figure it out and it's a Buffy type, at least you've got a pencil handy after you get the autograph :)

HulaBuns said...

Hmmmm, I too, have been avoiding the vampire-y stuff for a while now. But this post makes me think I need to re-think that. Thanks for inspiring me to step outside of my box. :)

Deb and Barbara said...

OKay, just read the news about your Masters accomplishment over at Hart's and had to run over here and congratulate you!!!! So happy for you.

Bowing and scraping before the Master...
B
The Middle Ages

Creepy Query Girl said...

Throw the vampire diaries into the mix and you're about where I am now...totally confused. great post! :)

Cinette said...

Is the True Blood series based on Tanya Huff's books? I read those and loved them, but haven't bothered with the TV series. But I love all of Huff's work.

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