On how not to do it

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a scientific experiment that may or may not have been conducted by yours truly in an honest attempt to test various strategies to beat writer’s block. I give you:

1) Lock yourself in your 2 by 2 square feet apartment (I’m only exaggerating a bit) with the logic that with NO distractions it has to crack. (Scientist’s note: it might also be an idea to unplug the internet for this tactic to be successful.)

2) Drink alcoholic beverages. Claims have been made that this is supposed to release the creative juices, but the test subject found that it only released a whole different set of juices.

3) Swear and curse at or into pillows. Nope. Not helping.

4) Paint your fingernails. Strangely enough this appears to not have an effect on the ability to crack the block.

5) Make and hang up a poster of 46 judgmental giraffes (and one penguin) with the hope that their penetrating stare will guilt you into writing.

6) Count the aforementioned giraffes (and penguin) to make sure you’ve got it right.

7) Allow a crappy movie to play in the background to make the task seem less serious and scary (Scientist’s note: this will interfere with the no distractions point)

8) Google “writer’s block”. (Actually, this might give you some clues of how to beat it for real, but what absolutely doesn’t help is when you put “writer’s clock” in the search field. I am now the owner of a very spiffy watch, though..)

Scientist's conclusion: None of the above were efficient.